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Apologies for the general lateness of things. Many work projects donchano. Psych! I have here, a telegram for Lisa Simpson: "Psych! Psych, psych, psych! Psych, psych, psych! Signed, super-psych!" The concept of the prankish deity was introduced to us by the Greeks. A more recent example was provided by comedian Norm Macdonald, in his "Satan tells a guy to kill his family" monlogue. In it, after following Satan's instructions to chop up his family and put their dismembered corpses in a duffel bag, Satan removes his mask and says, "It's me! Bob!" When I think of cases like these wackos in wacko-laden Utah who kidnapped Elizabeth Smart and made her the first child bride in a would-be harem of child brides, allegedly on God's orders, I just imagine God up in the clouds, drawn like "The Family Guy," with this "holding it in" smile on his face. When they are arrested and tell the police their story, God finally loses it and bursts into a "bwa-ha-ha!" sort of laughter. Onto a less joking psych, the US Military is currently executing a psychological campaign on the Iraqi military, beginning with Generalissimo El Busho's speech on Monday, onto leaflet dropping and radio broadcasts, and even going so far as to call military commanders on their cell phones with instructions on how to surrender. The theory here is that rather than engaging them, killing a bunch of people, and processing them all as POWs, they can simply roll up to a military unit, take their weapons, allowing the officers to keep their side-arms and their dignity, and sending them to their barracks to wait out the war. My dad, who is a very pro-American conservative, asked me to listen to some right-wing radio to balance all those left-wingers at NPR. I don't think NPR is left-wing at all, but I respect my dad, and did what he asked. One point I heard that I agreed with is that this move by the US will pay off in dividends later on in our questionably-moral quest to liberate Iraq. Aside from the rather arrogant idea of rolling past the army straight into Bagdhad, there is a serious upside to this strategy. First, minimizing fighting and death is always a good thing. Not just on the very strong moral level, but because the fewer orphans and widows this conflict leaves behind, the less resentment we are going to breed in the Iraqi people. If, indeed, one of the laws of war is minimalizing civilian impact, not killing husbands and fathers is definitely a good idea. Second, if the country is to remain stable, a strong military is going to be required. What better way than to give the current military the chance to keep itself morally clean and thus able to assume the role post haste. Third, if the country is to be rebuilt, men will be needed to work, not withstanding the role of women in the workplace, and killing all the men is really not going to help things. Finally, it's obvious to a realist like myself that, when cornered, Saddam is going to try to sabotage the country as much as he can, which includes blowing up oil wells and gods know what else, as well as dropping all manner of weapons of mass disruption — only nuclear weapons are true weapons of mass destruction — on anyone nearby. By winning the military to our side, nobody will be around to carry out those orders and the rebuilding can occur that much faster. So, while I am against the war, and against almost everything our current administration stands for, I have to give them credit for their psych-out strategies. Let's hope they work, so we can get this over with and start apologizing to our alienated friends. — Wednesday, March 19, 2003, 11:38 a.m.; On Location 
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